Why focusing on what you can control…
is the key to moving forward
When life feels like it’s spinning out of control, it’s easy to get caught up in everything that isn’t going the way you hoped. Divorce, separation, or even a big life transition can make you feel powerless — like no matter what you do, the ground keeps shifting beneath your feet.
I want to share something that has helped me, time and time again, in my own journey: learning to focus on what you can control.
My own lesson in focus
When I moved from Germany to Australia, I already had a law degree and experience working in the field. But as soon as I arrived, I discovered that none of it counted here. If I wanted to practise law, I had to go back and restudy everything, requalify, and essentially start from scratch.
I can still remember the frustration that bubbled up inside me. It felt so unfair. I had already done the hard work — why should I have to do it all again? I could have stayed stuck in that place, focusing on how much I had lost, how long the road ahead looked, or how out of control my situation felt.
But here’s what changed everything: I realised I did have control over one thing. I could decide to get on with the next step. I could enrol in the courses, sit the exams, and keep moving forward. That’s where I chose to put my focus.
Did it make it easy? Not at all. But it gave me a sense of direction, and with each step, I felt a little stronger, a little clearer, and a lot more capable.
It’s a lesson I’ve carried with me ever since — and one I now share with clients who are navigating divorce and separation. In fact, it’s one of the strategies I’m writing about in the book I’m co-authoring with Sara Davison, which is launching in January 2026.
Why this matters in divorce
When you’re separating, so many things feel out of your hands. You can’t control how your ex chooses to behave. You can’t control the court’s timeline. You can’t control what friends or family might say.
And trying to control those things will only leave you more frustrated and exhausted.
But here’s the good news: there are things you can control, and putting your focus there can change everything.
You can control:
How you respond, rather than react. Even pausing for a breath before answering can shift the energy.
The way you care for yourself. Eating well, resting, moving your body, journaling — these small acts matter.
Where you place your attention. Instead of replaying the “what ifs,” you can choose to picture what’s next for you.
Your mindset. By noticing your thoughts and gently shifting them, you open up space for hope and resilience.
Practical tools to help you shift your focus
If this feels easier said than done, here are a few simple practices you can start with:
The 3 Circles Exercise
Draw three circles on a page:Circle 1: Things I can control
Circle 2: Things I can influence
Circle 3: Things outside my control
Write down everything that’s on your mind and place it in a circle. Then commit to spending your energy only on Circle 1.Daily Gratitude Focus
Each evening, write down three things you did manage today — no matter how small. It might be “I made the kids laugh,” or “I took a walk,” or “I made that phone call I was avoiding.” Shifting your attention to your wins builds momentum.The One-Step Rule
When you feel overwhelmed, ask yourself: What is one thing I can do right now that moves me forward? Then do just that. One step is always enough to break the feeling of being stuck.
Moving forward with purpose
Focusing on what you can control doesn’t erase the challenges. But it gives you a compass — a way to steady yourself when the waves feel high. It allows you to feel a little less powerless and a little more grounded, no matter what’s happening around you.
I know how heavy this season can feel. But I also know this: the more you redirect your focus to what’s truly in your hands, the lighter the load becomes. And step by step, that’s how you move from simply surviving to creating a future that feels like yours again.
✨ If this resonated with you, I encourage you to start with just one of the tools above today. Remember — you don’t need to fix everything at once. Focus on what’s in your circle of control, and the rest will follow.
Exciting Secret:
I’m so excited to share that I’ve been working on a book with Sara Davison, the Divorce Coach, called Emotional Alchemy. It’s all about transforming the hardest moments of separation into strength, clarity, and new beginnings. The book is being released in January 2026, and I’ll be sharing my personal story in this book.