How to stop replaying the past
and start creating your future
If you’ve been through a separation or divorce, you’ll know how easy it is to replay the past on repeat.
The “what ifs.” The “if onlys.” The conversations you wish had gone differently.
I know this place well. And if you’re there right now, I want you to know — it’s completely human. When we go through painful experiences, our minds cling to the story, because it feels safer to hold onto what we already know rather than face the uncertainty of what comes next.
But here’s the thing: living in the past will keep you stuck in the past.
At some point, you have to decide to press pause on the replays and press play on your future.
You always have a choice
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned — and it hasn’t always been easy — is that you always have a choice in how you look at your situation.
You can choose to keep telling the story of what went wrong, what someone else did, or how unfair it all feels. And if you’ve been doing that, please don’t beat yourself up — sometimes we need to give voice to the pain before we’re ready to let it go.
But staying in that place too long can rob you of your power. It keeps you anchored to a chapter that’s already been written, instead of giving yourself permission to write the next one.
The shift happens when you stop blaming others for where you are and start focusing on where you want to go.
Taking your power back
When you tell your story over and over again, you’re reliving the experience — re-experiencing the pain, the anger, the sadness. Each time, your body and mind feel it like it’s happening all over again.
But when you shift your focus to the future, something powerful happens. You take your energy back. You stop letting the past define you, and you start defining yourself by the choices you’re making now.
You’re no longer the person who “went through” something — you’re the person who’s becoming something new.
A few ways to start creating your future
Here are a few simple practices you can try if you catch yourself stuck in the replay loop:
Flip the script
When you hear yourself telling the same old story, pause and ask: What’s a different way I could look at this? For example, instead of “I wasted years on that relationship,” try “I learned what I will and won’t accept, and now I know more about what I need.”Create a vision journal
Each day, write down one small detail about the life you want to create. It could be as simple as “I wake up in a calm home,” or “I feel financially secure.” Over time, you build a roadmap toward your future instead of rehearsing the past.Practice self-compassion
Remember, choosing the future doesn’t mean the past didn’t matter. It just means you’re choosing to honour yourself by not living there anymore.
My personal story
I’ve had to make this shift many times in my own life — choosing to look forward instead of back. There were times I could have stayed stuck in the unfairness of a situation, telling myself the same painful story again and again. But I realised that the only way to reclaim my power was to stop reliving what I couldn’t change and start focusing on what I could create.
This is a theme I explore more deeply in my upcoming book Emotional Alchemy, which I’ve co-authored with Sara Davison. It’s being released in January 2026, and in it, I share my personal story of navigating change, loss, and ultimately finding strength by shifting focus from the past to the future.
Stepping into what’s next
You don’t have to have the whole plan figured out. You don’t even need to know what the next year looks like.
All you need to do is choose — today — not to replay the past but to take one small step into your future.
Because your past doesn’t define you. Your choices today do.
✨ If you’re ready, try one of the practices above this week and notice how it feels. You deserve a future that excites you more than a past that weighs you down