How to shift your focus when…
co-parenting gets hard
Let’s be honest — co-parenting isn’t always smooth sailing.
Even with the best intentions, there will be days when it feels hard. When communication breaks down, when emotions run high, when the plans you agreed on suddenly don’t go the way you expected.
If you’re in that season right now, I want you to know this: you’re not alone, and it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It just means you’re human, navigating something that is one of the most challenging dynamics there is.
What I’ve learned — both personally and through walking alongside so many clients — is that when co-parenting gets hard, the most powerful thing you can do is shift your focus.
Where your focus goes, your energy flows
When things get tense, it’s easy to focus on everything that feels wrong.
What your ex said.
The missed pick-up.
The disagreement over holidays.
The text message that felt loaded with attitude.
The more you focus on those things, the bigger they feel — until suddenly the frustration is all you can see.
But here’s the shift: you can choose where to place your focus. And by redirecting your attention, you reclaim your energy and your sense of control.
Shifting your focus in the moment
So, how do you actually do this when emotions are running high?
Here are three strategies you can try:
Pause and reframe
When you feel triggered, take a breath before you respond. Ask yourself: What really matters here? Is this about the text tone, or is it about making sure the kids feel secure? Reframing helps you step out of the heat of the moment and back into perspective.Focus on your children, not the conflict
When you centre your decisions on what’s best for your kids, it’s easier to let go of the little battles. Ask: Will this matter to my child in a year’s time? Or is it just a moment I can release?Choose your next step, not their behaviour
You can’t control what your co-parent says or does. But you can control your own response. Sometimes that means taking the high road, sometimes it means saying less, and sometimes it means stepping back to regroup before replying.
Taking your power back
The truth is, you can spend hours replaying the conflict, thinking about what they “should” have done differently, or venting to anyone who will listen. And while that’s understandable, it doesn’t change the reality — it only drains you.
When you shift your focus to what you can control — your mindset, your reactions, your choices — you take your power back.
That’s when co-parenting starts to feel less like a battlefield and more like a balancing act you can navigate, even if it’s messy sometimes.
My personal journey
This is something I’ve had to put into practice in my own life too — choosing not to stay stuck in what went wrong, but instead asking: What can I do today that moves me forward?
It’s also a theme I open up about in my upcoming book Emotional Alchemy, co-authored with Sara Davison and launching in January 2026. In it, I share my personal story, and how I learned that I had the choice to take my power back.
A gentle reminder
Co-parenting will never be perfect — and that’s okay. What matters most is that you keep showing up, keep focusing on what’s in your hands, and keep creating a stable foundation for your children.
The next time things get tough, pause and ask yourself: Where am I putting my focus right now? And is it helping me, or holding me back?
Because the truth is, even in the hardest moments, you always have the choice to shift your focus — and in that choice lies your power.
✨ Try one of the strategies above this week and notice how it feels.
Sometimes the smallest shifts in focus create the biggest relief.