Handling last-minute changes without losing your cool
How to stay flexible and firm when plans change — again.
This blog post was meant to go out on Monday.
And if you’ve been here for a while, you’ll know — I’m usually pretty consistent.
But life had other plans.
Over the weekend, something came up with one of my kids. Nothing catastrophic — just one of those tricky parenting moments that pulls your attention, your energy, and your heart into full “mum mode.” and so, the blog had to wait. Priorities shifted.
Now, here we are on Wednesday.
And honestly? It feels fitting.
Because this week’s blog is all about what to do when things don’t go to plan.
That moment when it all unravels…
Maybe you know this feeling:
You’ve made a plan with your co-parent.
You’ve organised school uniforms, packed lunches, updated the calendar.
You finally feel like you’re getting into a rhythm.
And then — bam. A last-minute text.
“Hey, can’t do pick-up.”
“Something’s come up.”
“Can you swap weekends?”
You pause. Your stomach tightens.
Because it’s not just about a plan changing — it’s about the emotional load of always being the one who adjusts, who stretches, who picks up the slack.
I’ve sat across from so many parents who’ve said:
“I want to be flexible. But I’m tired of being the only one who is.”
If that’s you — I see you.
Let’s talk about how to hold both compassion and boundaries when plans change. Again.
1. Take a breath before you respond
When the change comes through, especially at the last minute, your instinct might be to fire back a frustrated reply.
But the power is in the pause.
Give yourself five minutes. Make a cup of tea. Remind yourself that you can still decide how you show up — even when the other parent doesn’t show up how you’d hoped.
Responding from calm, not anger, protects your peace — and your child’s.
2. Decide what you can offer — and what you can’t
Flexibility doesn’t mean being a doormat.
Ask yourself:
Is this a one-off or a pattern?
Does saying yes serve my child right now?
What will I need in return to make this work?
It’s okay to say, “Yes, I can help this time — but let’s also talk about how we can make changes feel less stressful going forward.”
3. Keep communication clear, kind, and firm
Your message can be both empathetic and structured. Something like:
“I understand things can come up. I’m happy to help this time, but if these changes continue, we’ll need to sit down and re-look at the plan. I’d really like to find a rhythm that works for everyone — especially the kids.”
This kind of message sets a tone of cooperation without sacrificing your boundaries.
4. Have a plan for the unexpected
Build a little flexibility into your parenting plan.
This is something we walk through in detail during our Parenting Plan Workshop — how to create a schedule that’s structured and adaptable, so you’re not blindsided every time life throws a curveball.
It’s about designing a plan that reflects reality — not just ideals.
👉 Join our parenting plan workshop here
5. Give yourself grace
The truth is — life will interrupt your plans. Whether it’s your co-parent, your child, or the universe itself (hello, my weekend), not everything will go according to script.
But here’s what I’ve learned:
How we respond to the disruption matters more than whether it happens.
When we can model calm flexibility, our children learn how to adapt too.
When we hold boundaries kindly, they learn self-respect.
And when we give ourselves grace? We teach them to do the same.
So yes — this blog came out a little late this week.
But maybe it arrived right on time for you.
If you’re finding the juggle hard — if your parenting plan feels like it’s constantly being rewritten — I invite you to come join us in our Parenting Plan Workshop. We’ll help you build something that works even when life doesn’t go to plan.
And keep an eye out — our full Parenting After Separation Course is coming soon, for those who want deeper guidance and more calm.
You’re not alone in this.
And you’re doing better than you think.
With understanding,
Kerstin