Co-parenting 101

Creating a parenting plan that actually works

I’ll never forget the moment one of my clients, lets call her Jenna, looked at me and said,
“We made a plan. But it just… doesn’t work in real life.”

She was referring to the parenting plan she and her ex had scribbled down when they first separated — filled with good intentions, but no real guidance.

At first, they agreed on the basics:
Week-on, week-off.
Half the school holidays each.

Communication through emails

It sounded fair.
It looked neat on paper.
But then life happened.

Soccer training was moved to Thursdays.
One child refused to pack her bag.
The other wanted to FaceTime every night he wasn’t at Mum’s.
And the emails started piling up.

Jenna didn’t need a “fair” plan. She needed a realistic one — something that worked for them, not some idealised version of separated parenting.

If that’s where you are right now, you’re not failing — you’re human. And the good news is, there is a better way.

What makes a parenting plan actually work?

Here’s what I’ve seen time and time again — both as a family lawyer and a divorce coach:

The best parenting plans aren’t the ones that look perfect in a document.
They’re the ones that hold up on a Tuesday afternoon when school calls, or your child forgets their sports uniform, or you get stuck in traffic and need a little grace.

Let’s walk through the 3 key ingredients to building a parenting plan that doesn’t just tick a box — but genuinely supports your child and your family.

1. Start with your child’s needs, not the calendar

It’s tempting to begin with logistics: how many nights, which house, which holidays. But when you build a plan around the child, not the clock, everything shifts.

Ask:

• What routine helps them feel safe and settled?

• How do they transition best between homes?

• Do they need more consistency during the school week?

Children don’t care about “50/50.” They care about bedtime stories, seeing their pets, knowing who’s picking them up. A good plan protects that stability.

2. Be specific — vague plans cause conflict

This is where most plans go wrong.

“We’ll share school holidays equally” sounds fair — until someone wants to take a trip and the other says no.

“We’ll agree on extracurricular activities” works… until it doesn’t.

Be clear. Write it down. Think through scenarios like:

• What happens if someone gets sick?

• How will you communicate about school events?

• What’s the plan if a child wants to swap nights?

Clarity now avoids conflict later.

3. Include how you’ll communicate — not just what you’ll do

Parenting plans aren’t just about time. They’re about teamwork.

Decide up front:

• Will you text, email, or use a co-parenting app?

• How quickly should you respond to messages?

• What tone and approach will you aim for?

These boundaries are especially helpful when emotions are still raw. Think of them as emotional safety rails while you both adjust to your new normal.

Need help building a plan like this?

You don’t have to figure it all out alone.

Our Parenting Plan Workshop walks you through exactly how to create a child-focused, real-life-ready plan — with space for your family’s unique needs, and tools to help you communicate better (even if your co-parent isn’t easy to work with).

It’s practical, calm, and collaborative — and you’ll leave with a plan you actually feel confident using.

👉 Join our Parenting Plan Workshop here

And if you’re ready to go deeper, our Parenting After Separation Course is coming soon. It’s packed with everything from understanding children’s emotional needs to navigating high-conflict dynamics and court matters.

We’ll guide you step-by-step — no legal jargon, no judgement, just clear advice and kind support.

Final thoughts

A good parenting plan doesn’t fix everything — but it gives you a foundation to stand on.

It says to your children:
We’re still your team. We’ve got you.

And when things get messy (as they do), that foundation gives you something to come back to — together.

If you're feeling overwhelmed or unsure, know this: you can build something that works.
And we're here to help you do it.

💛 With warmth,
Kerstin